A Mile in Their Shoes
by Voyfemme
Summary: When Paris acts as First Officer and Chakotay acts as the Captain as Tuvok, B’Elanna and Kathryn become drones to stop the Borg Queen from destroying Unimatrix Zero, each gets an appreciation for the job of their superior Officers. JC, PT
1. Chapter 1

**Part 21: A Mile in their Shoes**

Summary:

When Paris acts as First Officer and Chakotay acts as the Captain as Tuvok, B'Elanna and Kathryn become drones to stop the Borg Queen from destroying Unimatrix Zero, each gets an appreciation for the job of their superior Officers during this kind of mission. (J/C, P/T)

_Pairing:_JC, P/T _Rating_: PG-13 _Type of Story:_ Reflective _Level_: 2

**Part 21: A Mile in their Shoes**

_This is going to be one of those days._

It was the first thought that hit him when he came back to the bridge.

It was supposed to be a good day, a day of celebration. When he reminded the Captain during their monthly personnel meetings that Tom Paris had been an Ensign for a year and he should be reinstated to his previous rank, her first remark was one of amazement. She hadn't realized it had been a year already. She had reviewed the Ensign's personnel file and found no other incidents or reports for the entire year, not even being late for duty. So there was no problem. Well actually there was one problem, but that presented itself when they were on the bridge. Harry Kim was still an Ensign.

Chakotay had known that the Operations Senior Officer was tired of being the lowest ranking officer on the ship. He could tell by his actions that the experiences that Harry had in the Delta Quadrant awakened a thirst in him for Command. But there was no need of lieutenants at this time and hopefully they would not be short of any in the future so he was stuck at his present rank. And in order to enter Command, he needed to be a lieutenant or above. Chakotay resolved to find other ways to nurture his development in the two paths, but officially there was nothing they could do.

Tom was reinstated on the Bridge that very day. Chakotay saw the pride in the younger man's eyes and the commitment that he made again, there and then, to give them his best. The Captain was very proud of him that day. All had been forgiven. Chakotay was glad that she didn't just dismiss Tom when he made the choices that he did back on the Ocean Planet. Tom has been one of their best people and he was happy to see him reinstated. He remembered a time when he was waiting for the devil-may-care young man to fail. Now he was happy to be proven wrong.

So for him at had been a good start should have been an ordinary day in the Delta Quadrant, but something happened that made him realize that the day was going to end differently.

The found an outpost destroyed by the Borg.

His hackles were not the only ones to go up. He could practically feel the Captain's shoulders squaring and hear her stomach churning. That should have been the end of it. With the colony destroyed, there was no need to render assistance. They resumed the course towards Earth. Still he was waited for the other shoe to drop. And then it did. Seven of Nine came in with a distress call obtained from a very unusual source and in a very unusual manner. Some drones in the Collective had found a way to retain their individuality and she wanted to help them mount an even more effective resistance against the Borg.

On the plus side, wanting to help the Borg Resistance showed how far Seven had really come to value her humanity and her individuality. Or maybe she just really wanted to stick it to the Borg Queen seeing all the hell that she put Seven through. But whatever the reason, she wanted to help the drones and Chakotay, knowing Kathryn, could smell the plan as it began fermenting in the Captain's head. She needed more information, so she went on one of the more interesting away missions that any one of them could ever hoped to be on.

So here he was in the middle of what started off as a routine day knowing that by its end he would either be in one of the more extraordinary adventures he'd had here in the Delta Quadrant, or it wouldn't matter one way or the other how the day started because they would all be either assimilated or dead at its end. He knew it was coming. There was just one thing missing. Chakotay had been watching Kathryn intently as she listened to Seven speaking. He saw her eyes sparkle, he saw her mind begin its calculation, he saw the anticipation in her whole body but what he _didn't_ see was the fiddling with her Combadge.

Chakotay chucked. He was sure that he would see it soon enough. Now he was just sitting there looking at the viewscreen. She would be back as soon as she completed her away mission. Normally he would try to bury himself in reports, but he knew that never worked so this time he didn't even try. Instead he began thinking about his answer to the inevitable question that was going to be posed when she spoke to him.

_Are you with me?_

He made the mental check list

Alien:The Borg

Plan: Risky. Will involve putting the Captain in danger, possibly Seven and maybe no one else

Advantages; Help the Borg underground, deal a crippling blow to the Collective

Disadvantages: (1) Against protocol

(2) Could get them assimilated or killed

(3)Captain may die.

Number three was always the problem. Far from being just the Captain, Kathryn was his best friend…….and more. He couldn't imagine life on this journey without her and everything in him wanted to do what a First Officer was supposed to do best; protect the Captain. The only way the Captain was supposed to go down was if the ship went down. But with Janeway, getting her to _be on the ship_ when it went down was always a problem. Kathryn was the most pigheaded when it came to dangerous missions and away teams. The more dangerous the mission outside the ship, the more she wanted to lead the away team and the smaller she wanted that away team had to be.

The loss of the Captain to the crew would be one of the most insurmountable obstacles that they would ever have to face in the Delta Quadrant. The loss of Kathryn would be devastating and he wasn't sure that he would ever be the same after that.

But that was something he thought about every time that she got that look in her eye. Every time she told him of her plans and when he realized how risky they were, that fear came back to him.

_Suppose this is the time. _

Every time he got her back safe and sound he thanked the Spirits.

But still, he was only the first Officer and she the Captain. Their first duty was to the crew and not to each other. Helping the Borg underground stage a coup and a revolution in the collective could only help them with their passage through space. It could also help ward out future attacks against Earth. And that was the reason that he had to endorse the plan that she came up with. Because of the gain to them, to the races in the Delta Quadrant and to the alpha quadrant, he would endorse it. But as a best friend all he wanted to do was just hide her away someplace safe and warp them out of there. And maybe it was a good thing that their roles weren't reversed.

_The needs of the many……

* * *

_

Chakotay caught her look as she came out to the bridge. He didn't like it. "How's your headache?" Kathryn didn't speak but she made the universal Captain gesture for

_My ready room now._

He looked at Kathryn as he walked into the Ready Room behind the Captain. The shoulders were fully squared and his heart sunk lower. But when she went on the upper deck as he stood on the lower, he noticed her expression and realized in this one instant, the decision was not made yet. It surprised him that she would be using him as a sounding board _before_ the decision was made. He stood at ease.

"I'm guessing it didn't go well." He began

"Let's just say we ran into a little trouble. Have a seat, Commander." Almost as an after thought and then Chakotay could actually see her struggle trying to put her thoughts in order to address him.

"I prefer to stand." He knew it was coming and suddenly in his mind's eye he saw himself standing in his quarters watching a fight a year ago waiting for his life to end. Why did it feel like that now, and why did he suddenly feel he had more control over the outcome of this decision than he did the one that caused him to be in his quarters during that time in the first place?

Kathryn wasn't even looking at him when she began.

"The Collective's found a way to infiltrate Unimatrix Zero. It won't be long before they learn enough to destroy it from the inside out. I plan to stop them."

She turned as she was speaking, and leaning over the railing, she stood directly in front of him.

"What have you got in mind?" He kept the expression off his face. He didn't know how much mental discipline he would need when she finally informed him the plan of attack that they would be engaging in.

"The people there are vulnerable. They don't have the ability to take action in the real world. We're going to give them that ability."

"How?"

"The Doctor and B'Elanna are working on it." Chakotay's eyes widened at that. Nothing was concrete yet. Why was he was part of this discussion at such an early stage?

Kathryn began to pace. "I know what you're thinking. We'd be violating half a dozen Starfleet protocols. And if the Collective ever learned we were involved, we'd be putting Voyager in the middle of a civil war." She raised her arms, because if that was what he was thinking he had her dead to rights. "Valid objections."

Chakotay said nothing, because while he had thought of it before, that was not on his mind at that moment.

She turned to face him and closed the gap between the two of them. Her face this time was almost unreadable and held a look that Chakotay hadn't seen in a long time when it came to making command decisions.

"Chakotay...we've had our disagreements. And there have been times when I've chosen to proceed without your support. But this can't be one of those times. I won't do this without my first officer."

_Whoa. _

Of all the things that he had planned for, and had expected to hear, this was not it. Finally command decisions about the Borg on her end, could be done without them engaging safety protocols in the form of a heated argument. And the Captain had started to do what he had always pleaded with her to do in the first place. To step back from the situation, and take a look at the big picture. Not only had she done so, but she had done so with him. A rush of warmth flooded him. They really had come a long way in terms of making this command structure work. All of the major hurdles they had to cross in terms of building the trust between them were worth it if the end result was to bring her to the point where she was at now.

He chose his words carefully. "The way I see it, risking the safety of Voyager is a small price to pay. If we help these people, this could be the turning point in our battle against the Borg."

He did his part to ensure that the promise made almost half a year ago still held. That the incident that led them to making that promise was the last time that they stopped trusting each other. He gave her his support and his trust right then and there, even though he didn't know what the plan was.

He knew he surprised her. She smiled slightly "I'm glad we agree--because I almost talked myself out of it."

Who did she think she was fooling? "Somehow, I don't think you were ever in danger of doing that."

"You'll inform the crew?" He gave a quick nod and left to do just that. But he was a little puzzled. Normally, they would call all the senior officers to the conference room and inform them together. Why was she leaving him to do it on his own? He smiled as he crossed the bridge and called the senior staff. She knew she had his support, it didn't matter who told the bridge officers and apparently she had wanted a moment alone. He took a moment himself as he waited for the rest of the staff to report to the conference room. Something momentous had occurred in the ready room in terms of both their professional and personal relationship. But he knew that they had a ways to go yet. He had no idea what the plan would entail and he didn't know if he had given his support now, only to withdraw it in good conscience later. But one thing he did know was that when that moment came, they would face it together. It was a lot more than he had to go on before.

* * *

It was only when the door closed that Kathryn let the relief that she felt show on her face. Why is it that the most uncertain and unpredictable part of the plan when Voyager engaged the Borg seem to involve the relationship between its two top Commanding Officers. She knew what she wanted to do, and she knew he was right, she wouldn't have tried to talk herself out of it. She only tried hard to make herself believe that she would. She definitely would have tried to convince him to see things her way. But what she would not have tried was to go off and do it on her own without him. That part she meant. Too many bad things occurred when she ignored completely the advice and support of her Number One. She was determined not to ignore the lessons that she had learnt during her first six years with Chakotay on Voyager. And she realized, so was he.

* * *

The moment was here again. 

Chakotay wondered if Kathryn was feeling the same déjà vu that he was.

The part that concerned him the most was the plan itself; allowing the Captain to become assimilated in order to spread the virus. Kathryn realized they were more lucky than good when it came to dealing with the Borg and she knew that it was the only way to ensure that the virus was uploaded to the central plexus. To think that they would be able to infiltrated a heavily armed Borg Cube and not be assimilated was to say the least over confident and the most; arrogant. At least she had formulated all the necessary contingencies. It was risky, but all relevant avenues had been covered.

The concern and the behavior of the other senior officers were causing him to smile inwardly. Outwardly he kept a straight face.

"Can't we find another Borg ship?" The doctor was pleading with her "A sphere, maybe? Something less imposing?"

"I rechecked long-range sensors," B'Elanna spoke, and her expression almost like one he had seen on the Captain hundreds of times. "There's nothing."

Kathryn's mind was made up. "This is our target. You'll keep a transporter lock on me. Once I make it to the central plexus and release the virus, you can beam me back."

"In how many pieces? It's ridiculous!" The Doctor was as close to losing it as any organic being ever was. When did they ever doubt that he was less human than any one of them?

"Agreed, I should go. I'm the only one with experience." And he knew why Seven was saying that. She was the one who asked Voyager to help the drones in Unimatrix zero in the first place. Kathryn had taught her well. Her desire for self sacrifice was almost as strong as the Captain's…almost.

"_You're_ our only connection to Unimatrix Zero. You're needed here. It was my decision to help these people. This is my responsibility." And then he knew _why_ she was proposing to do this alone. If anything, she would be left behind as a drone. The rest of them would escape and make their way home under his command. She would not lose another member of her crew to the Delta Quadrant as a result of her decisions. But what she didn't realize was that she was also a member of that crew as well as its head, and if that particular scenario played out, they would have to live with the knowledge that they lost the most important member of their crew to the Delta Quadrant, and _that_ was unacceptable.

As far as Kathryn had come in the last six years, he didn't know if she would ever make the leap of faith to believe that when the crew said that they were in it together, they were in it together. To the death, the alpha quadrant, or assimilation; which ever came first.

"Starfleet Tactical Directive 36: 'The captain will not engage a hostile force without the protection of a security officer.' The probability of success is greater if there are two of us."

Tuvok was the first to make that known. He and Chakotay were possibly the only ones who knew the real reason that Kathryn to taking this course of action.

"Make that three. If you're going to pull this off you'll need an engineer in there."

Those were the words that normally came along with that particular expression on B'Elanna's face that he had noted before. To the death in a glorious battle. Unfortunately, she was not as alone as she used to be. Fortunately, her actions would have a profound effect on another.

Her man's eyes went wide. _No way in he_ll, could be practically read in them. "B'Elanna..."

"Tactical directive 36-A," B'Elanna said. The expression still there. Chakotay wondered idly if Kathryn was proud at how well she had trained those two women under her command and how strong of a family she was the head of. What did Tom think he was going to accomplish by protesting?

"There is no directive 36-A!"

"There is now."

Kathryn would have none of it, but Chakotay knew that the offer touched Kathryn deeply and strengthened her resolve to only put her life in direct risk. "I appreciate the offer. But if that cube attacks Voyager you'll be needed here." She looked around at all the officers around her, but she didn't look at him. "Now you have your orders. Set a course, Mr. Paris." And she was out of there. They all looked at him as she left. Tom's and the Doctor's eyes were pleading, Seven's and B'Elanna's eyes were resolute in their glance and as he turned to follow Kathryn out, he caught Neelix trying hard to keep that look that said _This ought to be good _off his face.

They were all depending on him to do something. To talk some sense into her and he would not disappoint although the end result might not what all of them hoped for.

* * *

He caught up with her in the corridor "Remember when I said I didn't have any objections?" 

"Can't this wait till I get back?" Kathryn was hoping to escape with minimum objections from him. She had hoped that when she dropped the bombshell on what she had wanted to do, that he would just have let it go, figuring that he had given her carte blanch to go ahead with whatever the plan was in the ready room. She should have known better.

"I realize I'm not going to talk you out of this, but I'll be damned if you're going in there alone."

"We've got a lot of work to do, Commander--"

"You said you wanted my support. Then take Tuvok and B'Elanna with you." He turned to face her and she stopped to face him, wondering if he was really serious. She saw in a glance that he was.

"And if I don't?" She had to throw down some gauntlet to him. But when he uttered that statement, not one disagreeing with the plan, but calling for her not to lead an away team of one, she realized hen why she had wanted to go down there alone.

Her Number One shrugged "I may only be first officer, but I still pull a _few_ strings around here. The Doctor could be persuaded to question your medical fitness . . ."

"I was hoping for your _unconditional_ support."

Her best friend shrugged. "This is the best I can do."

He had spotted her motivation for going down there alone and he was telling her gently, how much she meant to this crew and to him and how far he was willing to go to stop her if necessary. Whether he intended to do what he said was irrelevant. She had made a promise. She wasn't going to do this without his support.

"Tell them to pack light."


	2. Chapter 2

His movements were smooth and precise. He had done this a thousand times. The physical action of getting a shuttle ready for launch was something that he could perform in his sleep. He had even been in this situation before, watching B'Elanna get ready for a dangerous mission. But not one like this. They were going to let themselves be assimilated to help a set of Borg drones. He and B'Elanna had never been at this place in their relationship before. He was going crazy at the thought of possibly losing her.

There were so many scenarios that kept going through his mind. Supposed they were not able to get them back. Supposed they really were assimilated and even if they _did_ get her back, supposed he lost her completely as she became like Seven.

Deep in his heart, he knew that it wouldn't happen. Seven was a drone for too long, that's why she seemed as if she would never be fully human. Even if B'Elanna was fully assimilated for a little time she would never end up like Seven. Still, suppose she came back and her feelings for him had changed. _'What does it matter?'_, a small voice whispered in his ear. His wouldn't, and he would make her remember, _make_ her fall in love with him again. He always did have enough feelings for both of them. He loved her with his whole heart, he could not understand how he was sitting here so calm about it all, and worried out of his mind at the same time.

There were other people to consider. Tuvok, though annoying in his Vulcan stoicism, was still a member of the senior staff and a friend. He owed the fact that he could be here and in love with B'Elanna to the Captain. It was a debt that could never be repaid. But his worry was focused solely on B'Elanna.

He calmed himself. If anyone could get them out of this, the Captain and the Commander could, and they would need their best pilot to ensure that the mission went according to plan and they were brought back safely. The best thing he could do right now was to focus on his work.

Nothing _must_ go wrong.

* * *

"Watch the starboard plasma injectors," Tom spoke out loud. His voice was soft and it lacked the excitement it normally held on the eve of a dangerous battle. "They tend to run a little hot at high impulse."

"I'll keep an eye on it," B'Elanna said just as softly. She knew how hard it was for him, how worried he was, but she couldn't let the Captain go into the Borg stronghold alone, especially when engineering skills were going to be key to ensuring that this mission was a success. The Captain was going whether they agreed to it or not, and the only person who could have stopped her had given his support. B'Elanna smiled inwardly. She hoped that they would make it back in one piece and enjoy the fact that this year, the Command structure of Voyager didn't seem to break down over a mission that involved dealing with the Borg.

B'Elanna owed as much to the Captain as Tom did, and she knew that was the reason why both of them were straining right now to say good bye, to let her go off into the unknown because this was something that she _had_ to do. At least they were going off together, and not she alone like she had insisted, on the last time she went head first into a near death experience.

"And the warp matrix is out of alignment." Tom was continuing.

"By 0.3 microns. Since when are you so meticulous?" She smiled.

"Since you volunteered for this insane mission." Her lover paused "You know..." he gave a little chuckle to the thought that was forming in his head "I could sabotage the helm. You'd never make it out the launch doors."

"Then I'd have to put you on report. You might lose that new pip of yours." That got a smile and a retort out of her.

He came over to her and whispered in her ear "It'd be a small price to pay." And he withdrew.

B'Elanna's heart spoke

_I love you too Tom._

She continued her checks to ensure that she got another opportunity to say those words to him again. Over at the helm Tom did the same thing.

* * *

She clasped and unclasped her hands many times in her command chair waiting. Since when had an away mission had her so on edge?

_Since the away mission involves letting yourself get assimilated and possibly drawing Voyager into a Borg civil war,_

The thought came to her as an answer to her question.

"We're in visual range," Tuvok reported from his station.

With that, Kathryn knew that the moment had come. She leaned forward

"On screen," She saw their target and it looked small, but she knew that looks could be deceiving.

"Magnify." The cube was imposing at a higher magnification. She studied her prey intently.

"Torres to bridge."

"Go ahead," She replied

"The Delta Flyer is ready for launch."

"On my way,"

This was it. There wasn't any turning back, but now that the moment was right in front of her, she found that she was reluctant to leave. To leave them…..and to leave _him_. She didn't stop to analyze it, it flowed from how long they had been together on this fateful trip. She didn't know how to say goodbye. This mission more than the others, she was unsure about.

She looked over at her Number One "Guess I'd better be going, huh?"

He nodded, his expression was inscrutable, but in spite of the support it gave, she knew the worry it concealed. "Anything you'd like done around here while you're gone? Gravity plating recalibrated? Carpets cleaned?"

She didn't even think about it as she did it. All she knew was that she was uncertain and unsure in the decision she took and the action that she was about to take. It came to her that she might have really been depending on Chakotay to talk her out of it, and for once, be forced to play it safe. Ironic it happened at the same moment when he trusted her the most, even when she was the reckless.

She used to always rush headlong into the missions. But he had taught her to pause and to take time to appreciate, who was around her; the people who made up her life and at that instant; the people who will go into the depths of Hell for her and _with_ her. He was the head of her crew, and with him she knew that she had built a crew, and a _family_ that was the envy of any Starfleet Captain. She didn't want this to be the last she saw of them, the last she saw of _him_.

She held out her hand. Chakotay took it. They had done this action many times, but not quite like this. This time it was done before in support of what was going to occur, instead of after contemplating consequences. She had his support as always. Even when she thought he had withheld it in the past, she realized that it was during those times that she was being supported by him the most.

"Surprise me," she said.

They stood together. Her best friend…..and more.

_Soulcatcher, you have always held my soul._

The thought leapt out from her and it embraced him through her look. They stood like that for a moment.

It was enough.

"You have the bridge," Kathryn said softly. He nodded and then she let his hand go and turned to leave. Her steps were sure and her demeanor, determined. She felt more secure in her mission now, in its outcome whether it be success or failure. She nodded at Tuvok who began to follow her and just before she left, she took one last sweeping look of the bridge to ensure all was in order. Her last glance was on him from the Security station to the Turbolift. He neither sat, nor shifted his gaze from her until the doors closed. All was in order.

Kathryn didn't even think about what she had just done on the Bridge. Her mind was consumed with the mission ahead of her.

* * *

So was Chakotay's, but it didn't stop him from taking a moment to realize what had just happened, and holding up her soul to the ancient ones for protection. Then his mind began to be focused on what he had to do, to play his part in ensuring just that.

* * *

The first phase of the attack seemed to be go off without a hitch. It just took a little longer than expected. But they had done it. The away team had been assimilated and yet they were not part of the Collective thanks to the neural suppressant that the Doctor had come up with. He hoped that the advantage that this gave them would be enough.

They had fallen back and made repairs. Voyager was now ready for round two. All they had to do was wait for the signal.

After ensuring that everything was OK on the bridge, he went to check on Seven of Nine. He was sure when the collective realized what they had done, Voyager was going to need help soon after, and badly. At the time, the only people who could do that would be the drones from Unimatrix Zero.

Seven seemed apprehensive and it was not like her. But he didn't care right now. She _had_ be focused, as they all were, on getting the away team back and on completing the mission. Personal feelings could not get in the way now. There would be plenty of time for that after, whatever the outcome. Now was time for professionalism and a little of that Borg efficiency that she was always so proud of. Others had learned to do it, and now so must she. All their lives depended on it. By the time he left, Chakotay knew that he had imparted that fact to her.

When he was finished in Astrometrics, he went back to the bridge. Once there, he took a deep breath and entered the Ready Room.

There were two things that Chakotay never did when he exercised Command in the Captain's absence. He never sat in her chair. He had his permanent station on the bridge, so there was really no need to do so. And he never used her ready room. He either used his consul on the bridge or his office. But he wanted to be alone right now to double check key systems and his office was too far away. The ready room was the only option left.

Kathryn was still there. Even when she left the ship, she never did. And nowhere was she more present as the Captain, than in her Ready Room. He sank in her chair behind the desk and switched on her computer. He was going to get her back to where she belonged.

* * *

He was deeply engrossed in system checks when Tom walked in. Chakotay barely looked up from his computer. He had an idea what was coming. Tom was never one to wait, and he knew that this waiting, with B'Elanna in so much danger was almost too much for him. What Tom didn't realize was that it was almost too much for Chakotay also. But over the years, he had leaned to deal with it. That was one of the lessons that _had_ to be learnt in command. The mission came first and the mission involved waiting, sometimes with your heart in hand. You had to learn how to deal with it constructively or else you would never make it as a Commanding Officer.

"Busy?" Tom said by greeting. Chakotay was making clear by his actions that he was, but he knew that he had to give at least a token acknowledgement of his job as First Officer, even though right at that moment he was effectively the Captain.

"What's on your mind?"

"The away team." _What else?_ "The plan was to give them two hours. It's been 2½."

"The Doctor's keeping an eye on them. We'll give it a little more time." He did not want to have this conversation, so he kept on working through it. Tom didn't realize it, but the worry that Chakotay had been so successful holding at bay was coming to the forefront and it was imperative for all their sakes that didn't happen, because Chakotay knew that if he acted on unchecked emotion he would jeopardize the mission.

Still he had sympathy for what the Lieutenant was going through. He spoke again but allowed his features to soften this time. "Unfortunately, not everything goes according to plan."

Tom would not let it go. He sat down in one of the chairs in front of the Captain's desk and made his pitch. "You know, it occurs to me that, with you in command and Tuvok off the ship that makes me acting first officer--technically speaking."

Chakotay sighed, he knew what was coming with that statement. "What's your point?"

"Well, it's my duty to give you an opinion and in my opinion I think we should pull them out now before it's too late."

"I appreciate your diligence...But I've made my decision. We wait."

Was that his voice that uttered the previous statement? It didn't seem like it. He thought that that statement should have been uttered by a female voice, and in fact in the past he knew that it had been.

Tom shook his head impatiently, "How long? A day? A week?"

Was it Tom's voice that uttered that statement? Chakotay knew that he had used some of those same tones and the same inflections at various times in the past…..to the Captain.

"As long as it takes to complete the mission."

"This mission isn't worth their lives."

No it wasn't. But it was what Kathryn was counting on him to support her through. It was what B'Elanna and Tuvok volunteered to help her with. And the reason why they were doing what they were right now, was worth a lot in its own right. To honor them, they would do everything that was necessary to ensure the mission was a success and that included waiting with their heart in their hands. With that realization, Chakotay calmed down a little more.

"You've made your point." _Dismissed_ was not necessary, Tom got the point and he got up to leave. He did however fire off a parting shot.

"Apparently not." That got to Chakotay. What did Tom think he was? Unfeeling? His two best friends were on that cube as drones, of course it affected him. But that was not for Tom to know, for all their sakes, his emotions _must_ be kept in check.

"Lieutenant." Chakotay stood as Tom turned around at the sound of his voice. Chakotay kept his Command mask firmly in place as he spoke.

"A first officer could get in a lot of trouble for talking to his Captain that way."

"I've learned from the best."

Maybe. But he hadn't learned the discipline that came from years of experience of making the same mistakes as he was making now. He didn't have the experience of serving with Chakotay and knowing what kind of Captain he was and earning his trust as First Officer, as surely as Chakotay would have had to as Captain. They were acting in Command, in effect they were walking a mile shoes that had been stretched to fit specific feet….. feet that were not their own.

"I appreciate your concerns Tom, but I need your support on this." Something that Kathryn had finally learned to say in her own way because of his doing. Something that Chakotay knew was the surest way to determine if trust was there between command officers and if they could build on it.

"Aye, sir." Tom's voice told him that the trust was there and that it was shaky, but it was a start.

But with Tom leaving the Ready Room, Chakotay found that he could not continue working, but surprisingly enough, he found that his mind was not only wandering to the away team and what they must be going through on the cube, but to the Captain, his best friend and……more. His thoughts also fell on B'Elanna, arguably the second person on the ship that he was closest to. He found himself running through all of the challenges that they had faced together, all of the good times and the bad that they had shared. He didn't want to know the hell Tom was going through, worrying about his significant other being on the mission that she was on now. It was one of the reasons why Tom could not be left in charge of Voyager if they ever found themselves in a situation like this again.

His mind also wandered his second year aboard Voyager when he fell for Kathryn, when he developed feelings for her and after they came back from New Earth and they chose not to pursue those feelings. He thought of the instances when they danced around what they were feeling for each other, never admitting it directly, each knowing what it would call from the other if they did develop a relationship on board. He remembered the time when Kathryn propositioned him and how he had turned her down based on a promise that he had made, and knowing who she was. He had always hated that particular unwritten protocol when he was in Starfleet; the one about fraternization between command officers especially between the Captain and the First Officer. He thought it was just another example of Starfleet trying to run their officers' lives. But then he never had to consider serving with the woman he loved, or even ordering his wife to her death to ensure the safety of his crew, because he never met a woman whom he could let himself love with his whole heart and nor one that he could have entrusted his whole soul to ……until now.

If he had any doubts of how much trouble fraternization could cause, he only had to remember Seska and who she turned out to be, and what happened between them long before he found out who she really was. Maybe Kathryn was absolutely right never to encourage him. He looked down at his hands, the hands that had held hers, had touched her in times of joy and sorrow, the hands that had done so much to make this journey more bearable for her and he felt her last touch, the one that she gave before leaving the bridge. It was in the Ready Room that it hit him fully, exactly what she had done in the presence of others. They had always been so careful because of the rumors that were sure to circulate if they were ever caught in any positions that could be deemed compromising. Her touch communicated to him exactly how nervous she was about the mission.

He had given her his support as he always had and right now, it was killing him. He too wanted to pull them out, but he _knew_ that he _had_ to be true to her and give her the chance to complete the mission. They could lose their lives going in after them, it wouldn't make sense to make that great sacrifice and accomplish nothing. The mission _must_ be a success, and he had faith in Kathryn more than he had in himself. If anyone could complete the mission it would be her. And with B'Elanna and Tuvok at her side, she could not fail.

Chakotay sighed deeply as he realized that he was standing at the upper deck of the ready room with his hands behind his back staring at the stars as they streaked by. It was a position that he had often found the Captain in many times in the past. He appreciated how lonely this stance was and that's why he had always come in to offer support to Kathryn when she was like this. Still he knew from this experience and from others he had before he came on Voyager, that no one really understood or could take away completely the burden that fell squarely on the Captain's shoulders. There was always a piece of it that the captain had to carry alone. That's what the First Officer was for, to ensure that the remaining piece was as light as possible, and not to add to it unless it was absolutely necessary.

He hoped that one day Tom would learn and understand that important difference.

Everything was in readiness, now all he needed to do was wait, and there was a bridge full of worried officers doing their job to the best of their ability needing to see him doing the same. Putting on his command face, he exited the Ready Room on to the bridge and took his chair.


	3. Chapter 3

Tom's face was grim as he continued monitoring his controls. How could he have even thought at one time that the Captain and the Commander were having a relationship? A man who was truly in love with a woman would not leave her like that just so that she could fulfill some stupid mission. The only reason that B'Elanna was still over there was because he was under orders and he knew that he couldn't beam her out without starting a full scale war both outside and inside the ship.

Seemly satisfied with that answer to himself, Tom took a deep breath and calmed down. He had needed to get that thought out of his system. Maybe there was more to what he was feeling that he just didn't want to acknowledge. He trusted the big guy to do what was right for all involved. He didn't know how he got there, but he did. He was just blowing off steam, because no matter what he thought, he knew that Chakotay was having a hard time right now.

Tom stole a look at him in the Commander's chair. His face was set and it betrayed nothing. He wondered if Chakotay were waiting with even one-third of the anxiety that he was. He supposed he had to have at least that amount. The two people who he was closest to were on that cube. It had to be affecting him. Tom reflected that he finally understood what it felt like to be in the position that Chakotay often found himself. Waiting as the one officer who could change the mind of the Captain, and trusting in her to do right for all parties involved.

How many times had the rest of them look to him to talk some sense into the Captain when she got 'a mad bee in her bonnet'?. How many times did he have to make the judgment call to do exactly that or to support her to the crew? He had to weigh everything that was at stake and deliver his judgment into action even when he was given his orders and he didn't agree with the decision. The Captain was the Captain, and he just the First Officer. He had to find a way to deal with what he thought was right and stand by the Captain for the good of the crew. Tom felt a little sheepish when he recalled Chakotay's last words to him. Chakotay has never _ever_ have to ask that of him as the Commander and he, the Helmsman, but as the Captain to the First Officer he had to, and Tom was beginning to realize just how much being First Officer called for exactly that, support and trust.

He knew that Chakotay and the Captain had often come to this point in the road. From what he saw of the two of them, their styles of command were much different. But they always overcame their differences for one thing and one thing only; the good of the crew. Even when that good meant the possible sacrifice of crewmen for the safety of them all. Tom was beginning to realize how much being a command team involved trusting the other to perform their duty in the face of great personal loss. No matter what, Tom knew that he couldn't forget that B'Elanna had volunteered for this mission, Chakotay had not sent her. In order to make the outcome not be in vain, they had to give them the opportunity to finish the mission, that's what B'Elanna and the Captain wanted and _that's_ what they had to do.

Tom shook his head when he realized what had just happened. He had completely reasoned his way into Chakotay's view point of view. It took him a step closer to understanding what was truly important in this crazy mission, that they support the women that they cared for deeply, and protect what they had built for themselves on Voyager. Tom looked down at hat point, he didn't know why, but he felt as if he had just walked a mile in the Commander's boot. And it was an uncomfortable walk, even though it was an enlightening one.

* * *

_Something's wrong_.

Chakotay stood, he didn't know how he knew that and he didn't think he wanted to know.

"There's a problem with Commander Tuvok. His synaptic pathways are destabilizing." The Doctor reported with the alarm at what the monitors were telling him being apparent in his voice.

_Now _

All of Chakotay's being resonated with that thought as he advanced towards the Conn, towards the young man whom he knew was holding on to duty with his dear life, willing the fear away that must have increased four fold with the Doctor's pronouncement, at bay.

"If I decide to move in closer I assume my First Officer would concur."

"You assume correctly." Tom replied and with a few commands, he took Voyager to warp in pursuit of the Borg Cube.

Tom called out their distance as if doing so would hasten Harry in transporting them out.

"Range: 40,000 kilometers."

"Harry?" They were in range, Chakotay prayed for a miracle.

Harry couldn't oblige "Too much shielding around the central plexus. I can't get a lock."

"Stay on it." As if he had to tell Harry that. He already knew that the Operations Officer's brains and fingers were flying over controls and simulations in order to get the away team out. He wouldn't forgive himself if he wasn't able to do it, but he needed help.

Chakotay looked at his acting first officer "Closer." He didn't have to say it twice.

"Target their shield generators. Stand by phasers."

Tom looked up as his sensors detected the beginning of the oncoming onslaught.

"Commander" He alerted the commander to it.

_This was it._

He prayed that he would be able to get the crew through this for all their sakes.

"Shields to full. Brace for impact."

And then the unthinkable happened.

"Someone's accessing our tactical controls. Our shields are down!" Harry shouted as the bridge controls began fluctuation to confirm everything he just said.

Chakotay went cold and mentally shut down every emotion the he had experienced in the past two hours, and he rerouted all the energy to his thought processes as he had done countless times on the Liberty and on Voyager.

"Evasive maneuvers."

The torpedo landed and brought destruction in its wake.

"Sensors are off-line! I've lost the away team!" The Doctor shouted over the din as explosions rocked the bridge.

"Hull breaches--decks five, six, seven!" Unfortunately Harry's report was the one he knew that he had to act on.

The bridge exploded again from residual surges brought on by the onslaught. His path was clear.

"Reverse course."

His acting First Officer, just couldn't act any more. "We can't just leave them."

Chakotay was still the Captain, but he did take a moment to acknowledge the helmsman's pain with his words.

"The Borg have our access codes. Get us out of here." And with his command, he returned to his seat. Tom took a deep breath, his heart now out of his chest and on his sleeve breaking as he punched in the commands. Chakotay noticed, but he had spent his last ounce of emotion left on the young man, so he was on his own. Chakotay had repairs to make, a plan to come up with and an away team to rescue without putting the ship into more danger than was necessary, he didn't have time for the luxury of giving into his anxiety and worry, which like Tom's had increased tenfold.

* * *

"Several drones have reported that they retained their memories of Unimatrix Zero after their regeneration ended. The virus has been deployed." Seven seemed a little concerned seeing the bridge in that shape, she must not have realized how bad the last attack was.

"Good. We're going to need all the help we can get. The away team's still trapped on that cube." Chakotay allowed a small amount of the emotion relief to flood through him and then he cut it off. The bridge was dark and smoking from their last attack, but at least there was hope.

"And as you may have noticed we're in no shape to mount a rescue." He could also hear the hope in Harry's voice when he answered Seven.

"Can you get back in and find out if they have anybody else aboard this cube?" At least they were thinking along the same wavelength now.

"If they do, tell them to hurry. They're the only allies we've got." And he knew that they were going to need them if they were to have any hope of rescuing the away team.

* * *

He was fuming. After getting partial systems back on line, there was a call from sickbay and he had to get down there with Seven. Whatever this was, it was one more thing that went wrong today. He wasn't sure how much more he could stand. He swallowed his worry and put his command face on. He had ordered Seven to do so before; it would not do them any good if he himself couldn't act as he had dictated them to.

He stopped short when he came into sickbay and saw what had to be a holo-projection of the Captain standing there. His heart got caught in his throat. No one but her, if she could see him, would have realized that.

"Kathryn?" He said it softly. If Seven realized how inappropriate the use of the Captain's first name was at that time, she gave no outward manifestation of it.

"The Borg have established this link so I could propose a compromise." Kathryn's face was inscrutable and it should be. If there is one thing he knew that Kathryn would never do, was compromise with the Borg. She'd risk assimilation first. It put him on his guard.

"We're listening." He said it evenly.

"They've developed a nanovirus that can kill every Borg with the mutation. They're prepared to release it inside Unimatrix zero unless all the drones there return to the Collective for re-assimilation immediately." Her face did not change as she said this. He was beginning to suspect that there was another reason why she had been willing to compromise.

"That's not compromise--that's surrender." It was Seven who spoke up, purposely and harshly.

"I won't be responsible for any more deaths. At least they'll survive as drones. Tell them Unimatrix zero can no longer exist. That's an order." And with the Captain's statement, he understood everything. He was silent as his mind raced ideas on how to fulfill her order.

"Have I made myself clear, Commander?" Chakotay knew that she had to make sure that he got the message.

"Yes, Captain." And he knew at once the she realized he had understood what she had ordered him to do. Kathryn disappeared as the link was severed.

"We did our best." The Doctor was trying to re-assure Seven, trying to soften the blow that surrender would land.

"It's not over yet, Doctor." He was the only one who really understood the Captain's orders. He spoke to Seven, "Can you disrupt the interlink frequency for Unimatrix zero?"

"Commander...The Captain gave us a direct order."

"Yes, she did, but not the one you think. Seven?"

"I believe I can, but why?"

"Didn't you hear? Unimatrix zero can no longer exist." And with that statement, he knew that they finally got it.

The ship jerked as soon as he finished his explanation, he slapped his combadge.

"Chakotay to the Bridge, report!"

* * *

He was the ranking officer on the bridge and the duty to do as the Commander asked fell on him. Tom answered.

"A transwarp conduit just opened off our port bow." Neelix tapped in the signal and activated the viewscreen. "Lieutenant." He called Tom's attention to the sphere on screen.

Harry called out to him, in the same way that he would have called out to the Captain or the Commanders if they had been on the bridge. "They're on an intercept course."

Tom's mind snapped into place. "Evasive maneuvers."

He took his seat on the Captain's chair. What happened next was subtle and he wouldn't realize it until everything had settled down and he had time to think. He began to focus not only on B'Elanna but on all the members of the away team and all the crew on Voyager. Until Chakotay came to the bridge, it was up to him to hold it all together and to protect the home that they had built here in the Delta Quadrant. It would take him all of a day after the danger had passed, to recognize what happened to him in the instant that he sat in the Big Chair. How much he understood what went on when Command decisions were made, and how much he really didn't think he _ever_ wanted that responsibility again, because in an instant he understood the burden of Command and the loneliness that went with it. For an instant he understood the Captain and the Commander a little better and unbeknownst to him _in_ that instant, he re-committed himself to doing his best to ensure the safety of _their_ crew.

"Battle stations." His voice was strong now.

"They're hailing us."

"Open a channel." He was ready to stare down the Queen herself. Instead he got……

"Starship Voyager. I am general Korok. This vessel is now under my command. We've come to join you in battle."

* * *

A miracle.

And

* * *

'_What a miracle' _was the thought that Chakotay had as he made it through the corridor to Sickbay. He was happy to once again put his heart back in his chest. The mission was over and it seemed that the Queen was too busy to come out and make Voyager pay for what they had done to the Collective. Or perhaps she just figured that she needed to get her own house in order before coming after them. But whatever it was, he was just glad to have seen the end of the Collective this time. He knew that there would be a next time. There always was.

Before he was able to enter Sickbay, the doors opened and let Seven of Nine out. She had a puzzling look on her face and it was then that the Commander realized that she was going through a hard time with the destruction of Unimatrix Zero. She had lost a lot of friends there.

He stopped short when he saw Kathryn in the midst of PADDs and a computer station, and he smiled at the cup of coffee in her hand. She looked up in time to catch it.

"What's so funny?" She demanded. It was music to his ears, she was really back.

"Doctor, didn't you order complete rest for the Captain?" Chakotay's dimples came into play as he spoke.

"I did, but you know how she is." The Doctor's dry sarcastic comment came softly from the direction of Tuvok's biobed. B'Elanna was asleep in between them.

"Let me help you with that." Chakotay came closer and shut off her computer.

"Oh no you don't," She exclaimed, grabbing the PADDs. "I'm still Captain of this ship and it is my duty to ensure that ship's systems are being repaired efficiently."

"Maybe" He said cautiously, as he dragged an empty tray table towards her bed. When he was finished, he went to the replicator and keyed in a few buttons.

"But you should at least take time to eat." He reappeared with a tray and two dinners covered down. He went back to the replicator and got the drinks.

"Oh Chakotay," Kathryn was beaming as he set the dinners down on the trolley and got a chair for himself. Her stomach rumbled at the scent of dinner. And she realized that she hadn't eaten for the day.

Her first bite was pure heaven. "Forget the carpets and the gravity plating, this is what I needed waiting for me when I got back. Thanks." He nodded and focused on his own food.

A thought came to Kathryn as she was eating. Actually it was the same thought that she had before she left to go on her away mission. She stared at Chakotay as if really seeing him for the first time and for the first time in a long while a sweet longing over took her. She indulged in it for a moment before swiftly chasing it away. What she had here was enough.

"How's the crew holding up?" She slid herself back into the role of Captain and forced them back into the Command relationship that she enjoyed so much.

"Overjoyed now that everyone is back on board." Chakotay smiled as a thought hit him.

"I have to admit it was a little tough on some, especially on my acting First Officer."

Kathryn did the mental calculations and deduced who he was talking about. "Tom?"

"I noticed that you recommended that he not be left in a position of command when B'Elanna was on an away mission unless absolutely necessary." Kathryn began carefully.

"I know that you wouldn't do it normally, but incase you were thinking about it and I wasn't there, I wanted the record to show that."

"But you also put in a commendation for the entire bridge crew for the way they handled themselves on the mission, including him?"

"He held himself together Kathryn and he pulled through. I know that I didn't have to worry about him following orders, but……"

"There were a number of times that he got to you and almost derailed you from doing what you had to do." Chakotay looked at her in shock, "How did you know?"

"I _am_ the Captain, Chakotay." And with that statement he realized how much he had stepped into her role on this mission.

Kathryn went back to eating and Chakotay joined her in silence. When they had finished, Chakotay cleared the dishes and refreshed their beverages.

"I suppose I should tell you thank you." His face was dark and mysterious as he regarded her.

"Why, for going off and almost getting myself killed and Voyager assimilated." Kathryn gave a short laugh.

Chakotay remained serious. "For putting up with me as a First Officer, at least in the beginning."

"What are you talking about?" Kathryn was concerned. "You're an excellent First Officer, in fact when we get back, I'm not sure that I'm going to replace you with a Starfleet issue." She tried to make light of it, but Chakotay wasn't buying.

"Tom, put me through a little of what I have put you through over the years on this mission."

"I hope that you put into practice all those lessons that you learnt from me, especially the lessons learned from my mistakes." Kathryn said ruefully. That shook him out of it.

"Yes I did."

"Then you did far better in the big chair than I have."

Chakotay's eyes went wide. "Somehow I doubt that." That earned him a chuckle from the Captain.

There was a low moan on the next biobed and they heard the Doctor call out.

"Doctor to Lieutenant Paris, she's awake."

"Acknowledged."

"Paris to Chakotay." Chakotay grinned. "I heard the Doctor, Lieutenant. Have Bethart relieve you and report to Sickbay. Consider it your last official order as acting First Officer."

"Yes ma'am." Chakotay did a double take, but before he could answer, Kathryn beat him to the punch.

"Janeway to Paris"

"Yes Captain."

"I heard that!"

Tom smiled broadly as he heard that comment entering the turbo lift. Maybe he was right about that pool after all.

* * *

When he entered sickbay and took note of the smiles and laughter coming from the bed where the Captain and first Officer were, it cemented his belief.

"Captain, Commander." He acknowledged them quickly, he had other matters that he wanted to concentrate on.

"Hey," he said as he looked down on B'Elanna on the bed.

"Hey yourself," she said weakly in answer.

"Don't try to talk, you're still weak, I just wanted to be at your side when you woke up." The Doctor rolled his eyes when Paris said that. There seemed to be a lot of that going around, he stole a glance at the Captain and the Commander in the other bay. And unexpectedly he smiled as he worked and began humming an opera tune softly. He didn't want to disturb what was going on all around him.

Neither noticed when Chakotay and Kathryn stopped talking and were silent. Kathryn leaned her head towards the biobed where B'Elanna and Tom were smiling at each other.

"It must have been hard on him, harder than the rest of you." Kathryn mused.

"It was." Chakotay said simply. "That's the reason why even though unwritten the protocols for fraternization when serving on the same starship in Command positions are strict." He continued. Kathryn looked at him sharply, but she softened her look. Chakotay had been concentrating on taking a drink so he missed her initial gaze.

"Are you saying that you weren't even worried about me over there?" She asked slyly.

"Why should I've been? A battle between you and the Borg, I know who'd win every time." Kathryn was quiet and Chakotay wondered why she was taking this so seriously. She looked sad, so he reached out and touched her hand gently.

"Kathryn, of course I was worried about you especially, and not just as a First Officer, but as your best friend. It's enough for me, I couldn't imagine having command resting squarely on my shoulders and having to deal with my beloved being on that type of dangerous away mission also."

What was startling Kathryn, was that she found herself running scenarios imagining her behavior in that very same instance because somehow being his best friend and Commanding Officer was not enough for her any more.

The end

**Part: 22 The Night they were Wed**


End file.
